I Once Was Lost But Now Am Found

Plato's allegory of the cave is a theme that is used over and over again in our media. It's probably even a theme in one of your favorite movies. That's true for me. The theme is used in Men in Black, The Matrix, Powder, The Truman Show and A Brave New World, among many others.

I have been thinking about what we do in our lives when we take our first steps out of the cave and gaze upon new realities for the first time. For some of us it is an enlightening experience and we yearn for more, and for others, it is unpleasant and undesirable. This is a little abstract so here are some examples.  In The Matrix, Neal is given the gift of seeing the true reality -humans living underground, hiding from computers because they are farmed for energy- and then is given the option of which reality he wants to live in. The blue pill or the red pill. One will lead him to the 'stark', 'dank' and 'miserable' but true reality and the other pill will return him to his 'comfortable', 'easier' perceived or living in the computer reality.

Here's another example. Will Smith's character (Jay) in Men in Black is shown the true reality. He sees aliens living amongst us humans on earth and is then given the option to return to the unaware reality of no aliens or to stay in the new reality and to work for the Men in Black.  His character spends the entire night on a park bench deliberating what to do. Jay wrestles with the two options: Do I live a life in ignorance, not knowing how things really are, or do I forsake my entire life, leave behind my family, friends, job, etc. to see things as they really are?

Both of these characters are faced with a life changing decision, each of which will come at a great cost. Living in the true reality comes at the cost of comfort, ease and maybe even the loss of some relationships, such as Jay's experience. On the other hand, living in the fake reality comes at the cost of not living in a real world, of seeing things as they really are. It is the cost of ignorance.

So, is this applicable to us? Are we faced with the decision of what reality we want to live in? I believe so. For us, our fake reality is not engaging in life. It's being passive. It's living a self-centered life. It's not engaging beyond our daily routines. It's living a life void of faith. In contrast, the true reality is God's reality. It's His knowledge, His vision, His realm.

So we have a decision. The white pill vs. dark pill. The world of selfishness vs. selflessness.

Both options come at a cost... I'll let you come up with what those are.

We like Jay or Neal are given glimpses of the true reality. As we hope and pray for things, we see things how they really are. We have visions, dreams, behold things with an eye of faith or experience profound love. However, these are just glimpses and they fade fast from our memories.

Unlike Jay and Neal we are forced everyday of our lives to choose whether or not to foster our vision of the true reality and make it the reality we live in. So, do we take the red or blue pill?  Do we chose to live in an ignorant state, perhaps because it is easier, or do we choose to see things as God sees them, by pushing ourselves and seeking that perception.

For us the choice is a bit more complex than simply swallowing a pill. Our choice is made by our actions to invite the Spirit into our lives. The more you live the gospel the more it changes how you view the world. It changes your perception of sin. It makes you more hopeful, it helps you develop an eye of faith. However, it does come at a cost. Choosing to live in this reality is emotionally and spiritually vexing. It requires you to put your heart on the line, to mourn with those that mourn and to love those that do not love you. It requires you to engage. It invariably results in disappointment and hurt in some occasions. It's not easy.

This is a dichotomy that exist not only in our spiritual lives but also in our relational lives...

So here's what sparked this train of though. The response of individuals, the community and the nation to the recent shooting in Newtown, Conn. has been somewhat of an enlightening moment for me. It's amazing to see the strength people receive to forgive, to love, and to mourn with those that are mourning. It is a glimpse of how things work in God's kingdom, of His goodness. But it has come at a cost. It has been a realization to me how things will continue to get worse before they get better. It has been a realization of the need that exists for good people in the world. The world needs people that will choose to engage and live in the harder, but true reality.

Today I choose the true reality over doing nothing and living as if the events that happened were just something that merely happened.  I choose to work for a sustained vision of how things really are, were and will be. I choose to fight for good and to help others that are still starring at the shadows on the cave wall.

Severed Connection

Two posts in one month, admittedly uncanny for this blog. That being said, YOLO. You might as well blog it up if you do in fact, only live once. I've noticed recently that when I have conversations about therapy I get really excited and I kind of go off into long rants. That's one reason why I blog I suppose, so people aren't forced into those conversations. Recently, I had a conversation about how I do therapy and what it entails.

I think therapy is about connection. When a person comes to me as a client what I am trying to do is connect with them. It seems like a simple concept, but you'd be surprised at the obstacles that I encounter in this process. I'll list a few...

1. Congruency. Some times people's content doesn't match their affect. In other words, people will say things that should evoke some sort of emotion, yet they don't exhibit any emotion at all. This could be for a variety of reasons. They may have completely disconnected from emotions all together (aka disassociated from the emotions), are too embarrassed or ashamed of the emotion so they attempt to hide the emotion that should coincide with the content,  or pretend to have overcome the emotions. There are a few others, but from what I've learned those are the big ones.

2. Shame. Some people are so ashamed that they have a hard time engaging with other people. Their thoughts are ridden with the belief that if they are known, they will not be good enough or lovable enough. Therefore, they must hide. People can hide in a variety of ways. One of which includes language. Paying attention to someone's language can tell you a lot about how they see themselves as a person.

3. Anxiety. Some people get so anxious at the idea of connecting with another person that they kind of wig out, especially the deeper you go into that person's psyche. Sitting through this anxiety can be difficult. They will talk and talk and talk. As a therapist I try to track what they're saying, but most of the time I am focused on whether or not I feel connected to them. Anxiety was especially damaging to my therapist-client connection when I was more inexperienced (although I probably am still quite inexperienced). All you have to do to understand why it is hard, is sit and talk with an anxious person. It rubs off on you.

4. Projection. Sometimes you as a person represent a certain type of person that has been hurtful to the client. This puts you in a hole from the beginning and hinders connecting with the client. They will assume you should act and react certain ways to the them. They do not allow for you to have an authentic response to them, because they have already formed their thoughts and beliefs about how you will respond. This can be a hard one for me to overcome because I am a male. Males, unfortunately, have been the perpetrators of abuse in far too many relationships. That being said, because I am a male, I can help people rewrite their beliefs about men.

Beyond obstacles of connection, there are things that I do to facilitate this bond with clients, and that is look for the positive. Everyone has something good about themselves, and if you spend the time looking for it, you can always find it. I believe you must connect on the negative just as much as the positive with people. Help them build themselves. That process can be extremely rewarding and can result in a strong connection.

Heart of the Matter

Well, you know its getting bad when you write a blog to avoid writing your thesis. Who in the world avoids writing by writing? That's just messed up. Anyway, time for my first published blog in quite some time.

Lately I've been thinking/studying a lot about the most important human organ, the heart. Although I would enjoy writing about the psychological/biological stuff I've learned recently about the heart (some new research is claiming that some decisions are actually made in the heart as opposed to our brains!) I will be writing about our emotional hearts, because they're much more interesting!

Have you ever been around someone that just makes you feel good? That phenomenon is interesting to me, and it is hard to explain. There are quite a few people in my life that when I'm around, I feel good, I feel more at peace, I feel free to be myself. Albeit hard to articulate how this feeling is, it is even harder to explain why it happens. What is it about being around this individual, this "uplifter" if you will, that allows you to feel this way?

I've been thinking about this because of my profession. Someone, a complete stranger, is supposed to spend 50 minutes with me a week and somehow feel better about themselves and their situations. That seems like quite the daunting task, but from my short time as a therapist I believe I've learned a few things about this process and how it takes place. And it is a matter of the heart... I believe this phenomenon that I speak of is the result of authentic connection. It is the "interwinement" of heart and mind and it provides a safe place to be yourself without being on guard or filtering of yourself. It sounds easy, but that "intertwining" of hearts and minds requires an open heart, and that is the hard part.

The first obstacle in having an open heart is feeling safe. Ingrid Michaelson's "Breakable" eloquently stated this when she said "and we are so fragile.. and we are just breakable, breakable, breakable boys and girls..." It is my core belief about us, as humans, that we want to belong, and we want to be accepted. Nothing will more quickly close our hearts than a perceived judgment of ourselves. Why would we let someone in if we think they are making negative value judgment of us? Thus, people that tend to have this uplifting quality do not come across as judgmental.

 The second obstacle is understanding ourselves and being emotionally aware. People will often experience anxiety when someone tries to authentically connect with them. This is because most of us, if not all of us, have had experiences that have taught us that being authentic is bad or not appreciated by others. We then develop shame. There is something bad about us. So, when someone tries to connect with another, they will usually experience some type of anxiety. Thus, people who are these so called "uplifters" are usually skilled with not responding to others' anxiety. They can sit with and through others' uncomfortable feelings of shame, anxiety, embarrassment and do so without expressing a negative judgment. "Uplifters" aren't emotionally detached from their emotions or the emotional ambient, but they can experience the emotion with the other. This is a special experience. It is the experience of togetherness. Life is a lot easier when someone understands what you are going through. Life is easier when you're not on your own.

What being an "uplifter" is not. Being an "uplifter" is not expressing empty platitudes and compliments. I've often seen people try to be an "uplifter" by trying to express kind words towards a person that is experiencing embarrassment, shame or uncomfortable feelings. In fact, doing this might be the opposite of being an "uplifter." I say that because people often resort to this strategy when they see another suffering. They do it not for the other's sake, but their own. It's uncomfortable to witness another person suffering, and often times they want to rescue the other person from their undesirable feelings. Thus, they attempt to rescue them by saying "you're so beautiful, you're such a good person, things will get better, etc.." I've hardly seen these things help someone in a difficult situation. They also act as a guard from the person authentically connecting with the suffering person.

I don't see being an "uplifter" as a job or part of being a therapist. It's something that hopefully all parents can do. Every child deserves to have that secure base in a parent to explore and find themselves. It's also something that hopefully every church leader has, as they help others along the path. Developing these talents isn't easy though, and by no means do I believe I have mastered them, but it's something to think about.

there's no crying in baseball...



there's no crying in baseball or in any other facet of your life, that's if you're a man, right? why the heck is this the case in our society today? it saddens me to see the results of this mentality in relationships.

so, from my experience this is what happens. family Doe is comprised of man and woman. x event happens. woman is hurt. woman expresses it. man is hurt as well. man doesn't know how to express his pain. consequently, man shuts down. woman thinks man doesn't care. woman is hurt by man. woman pursues man. man withdraws. women thinks man doesn't care. :(

contrary to my gender's belief about emotions, sometimes the way to resolve emotionally potent experiences is just to feel the emotion. i'm not saying you let the emotions override other facets of your life, but acknowledging the emotion and allowing yourself to feel it is how you "fix" them.

i know that for a lot of men emotions are scary. in a lot of cases emotions make them question how well they fulfill their roles as provider, protector and so forth. thus, it becomes easier to ignore your feelings and those of others. this just isn't the way to handle them. it will push people away.

i hate it when people do this, but maybe if you are reading this you can direct me to the proper source. i feel like i've heard from a seventy that the greatest thing Joseph Smith learned from the first vision wasn't that God had a body or that the traditional godhead doctrine was false, but that God loves and continues to love His children on earth. i like this. i like it because it conveys the idea that God continues to be love and to emanate love. and to me, that makes all the difference in my life.

i close by saying quoting President Monson (Finding Joy in the Journey, Oct 2008).

"Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.”3 We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.

Despite the changes which come into our lives and with gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days—as much as we can—with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed."

I add that we ought to love those around us enough to share with them all of our feelings

Conflicting Messages

I need to write this. Emotionally healthy people can feel opposite emotions at the same time. Angry and hurt, sad and happy, love and hate. This may or may not be a shocker to you. If it is something new to you, I'd invite you to spend time thinking about it. Think about the last time you were angry, think about why you were. I'd be willing to bet it was because someone meaningful to you did something that caused you pain, which lead to being hurt.

I've been thinking about how this applies to our spiritual growth. We are to become like God. We know that God is love. I can't help but think about the Savior on the cross and in the Garden of Gethsemane. We know that He experienced excruciating psychological and emotional pain that caused great hurt. However, it was His love for us that helped Him supersede His circumstances.

I think it is very much the same for us. We all experience pain in our lives. People who should not hurt us, hurt us. People who should be there for us, neglect us. People who should remember us, forget us. People who should be honest to us, lie to us. People who should respect us, disrespect us. It is impossible to catalog the numerous amounts of ways that we can be hurt by those whom ought to know better.

Most likely if this pain comes from our spouses, siblings, parents, friends and children, the pain is hard to escape. Much of our deep soul causing pains never really leave us. For many, this pain is too much to bare. Physical distance, as much as psychological distance is created to numb the pain, but it still resides in our souls.

What are we to do then? Do as the Savior, let His love supersede our pain. Loving those whom have wronged us is perhaps the most difficult thing to do. But it is the only thing that lifts us above the depths of despair and self-loathing.

I think its interesting that the Savior still has marks in His hands and feet. The pain He experienced is still a part of Him. We do not necessarily need to suppress our feelings of hurt or deny them. It's okay to be angry, sad, mad and hurt. Drawing closer to the Savior will allow us grow in love, and those feelings will no longer be at the forefront of our minds.

DTR

Part of a talk I gave in church.

In a general sense, our journey here on earth serves as an archetype for our relationship with God. Each one of us is born on earth to an earthly family in a state of complete dependency as a baby. We are completely dependent upon others for our physical, mental and spiritual welfare. This state of utter dependence highlights our own capacities, or lack thereof, to survive. Luckily for us however, we have people in our lives that naturally love us, not because we love them, but because we are their children. As children we owe everything to these people, they have given us life, they sustain our lives, we look to them for knowledge, we go to them for solace in times of need. They give us a sense of belonging and understanding of who we are.

Over the course of time we begin to be more autonomous, for our earthly parents do not want us to be utterly dependent upon them. For example we learn how to crawl and walk. Just as our physical capacities develop, so do our spiritual and mental. We learn that we are our own entity, thus we have our own thoughts, we learn how to articulate these thoughts via speaking, we develop desires, dreams, and wants. Our parents largely influence these thoughts and help us develop them so that they can flourish.

Then we arrive at a point that I believe many of us are at now. We are emerging adults. It is at this time our relationships with our parents are dramatically changing. We are becoming interdependent, as opposed to dependent or co-dependent in every way possible: psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. We no longer see them as we did as children. They have taught us the principles and doctrines of life, and how to live and flourish and we are applying them in our lives according to our circumstances. Hopefully the dynamics of the relationships between us and our parents have changed as well. The idea of love is now reciprocal. Our parents love us and we love them in return. We have each made the conscious decision to love and to do things for one another. Although we maintain respect and reverence for our parents, for the mere fact that they are our parents, we also begin to see them as equals or friends.

Now speaking in regards to our spiritual lives. We are born into this world having a veil over our eyes and understanding of who we are and who God is. Thankfully for us we have someone who fills the role of parent, much like our earthly parents, but in a perfect manner. In 1 John 4:19 we learn that He loves us, but not because we loved Him first. In Acts 17:28 we learn that we are God’s children. Over the course of time we develop spiritual legs to move about, we develop spiritual eyes to see and to discern the things God sees, we develop ears to listen the whisperings of the Holy Ghost, we develop the capacity to feel and to recognize the Holy Ghost, we develop spiritual thoughts and desires.

I want to be careful here. I am not suggesting that our relationship with Heavenly Father exactly mirrors that of ours with our earthly parents. He is our God. We will always be dependent of His love and mercy. However, I believe there are some similarities. They are highlighted by a scripture in John 15: 13-15 “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard my Father I have made known unto you.”

I love this scripture, it has made all the difference in my relationship with Heavenly Father. I suspect, because of the nature of our life situations, that we are at a point in our lives where we are making pivotal decisions in our relationships with Heavenly Father. For us, especially those that are endowed, He has made known unto us the ordinances, principles and doctrines that we need to know in order to return to His presence. According to the scripture in John, we are no longer his servants, but His friends. And we are in the very act of deciding what kind of friends we will be.

This idea of becoming friends with the Lord is mentioned more than once. In doctrine and covenants we learn that the Lord repeated this same admonition to the saints. D&C section 84 contains the oath and the covenant and is instruction to those that are going to serve the Lord, as His representatives. It reads: “And as I said unto mine apostles, even so I say unto you, for you are mine apostles, even God’s high priests; ye are they whom my Father hath given me; ye are my friends;” verse 77 reads: “And again I say unto you, my friends, for from henceforth I shall call you friends, it is expedient that I give unto you this commandment, that ye become even as my friends in days when I was with them, traveling to preach the gospel in my power;” In section 93 we read: “ Verily, I say unto my servant Joseph Smith, Jun., or in other words, I call you friends, for you are my friends, and ye shall have an inheritance with me.”

I like to think I have a lot of friends and that I am a good friend. I also like to think that God is my friend.

hey that hurts!

this past week I was reminded of something I had read in a book about a year ago, and I was surprised to learn I hadn't written it down anywhere. last winter semester I was in a cognitive neuroscience class that required us to read a book about phantom limbs, limbs that have been severed from one's body. even though these people are missing limbs, many of them still feel the limb. for example one might feel that their missing arm is itching or in pain. this can be an excruciating experience given that they cannot do anything to ease the suffering.

example of what I'm talking about: http://pann.nate.com/video/212461511

the book gives several theories as to why something like this would happen. one that is very briefly fleshed out explains that we often think our brains are limited to our body's experience, but this isn't necessarily true. there are several different simple experiments you can do to trick your brain into thinking any innanate object is an extension of your body. (given that its been a year I'm a little bit hazy about these details.) for example you can place one of your hands on top of a table and the other directly underneath it. have a second person gently caress the top of your hand above the table. after a minute or so remove the hand on top of the table as the second person continues to make the same caressing motions, but on the surface of the table. after a minute or so remove the second hand from underneath the table as the second person continues to do the same motion. if done correctly, when the second hand is removed you should/could feel the carassing that is being done to the table.

i did this experiment once and felt like it "kind of worked". the author of the book explained how they did this to someone in one of their labs and then brought in a person with a hammer and with it, acted as if he was going to pound the table. the subject of the experiment wigged out, he thought the guy was going to hit his hand! whether or not this actually works it creates some interesting ideas. despite the fact that the object isn't directly connected to the brain via neuron pathways the brain has designated a portion of itself to feel for the object as if it were.

i wonder if this is connected to the Atonement. how did and is Christ able to vicariously experience our pain and suffering (and joys)? becoming one with the Savior is an interesting idea.

we know that we as humans do not use our brains to their fullest capacity, could it be that our brain isn't used to its fullest capacity because its not all for us? it's not for our experience, but to process and feel the experiences for those around us?

i really like the idea that our experience is not limited to our bodies. for any of those interested about this concept i'd recommend reading "Johnathon Livingston Seagull" by Richard Bach. it's a short, but great book.

i've got a feeling

"what is this salty discharge coming from my eyes" this is one of my favorite quotes from american pop culture. i think i like it so much because it embodies the emotional expectations (or lack thereof) of men in this day and age...

we all experience emotions, well at least health human beings experience emotions to a certain extent. that being said, the way we experience emotions differs greatly. some people are able to identify and label their emotions while others can't recognize them, let alone explain what they are. some people avoid them while others seem to seek them out.

what does all of this mean though?

i think our capacity to feel emotions is in part what makes us human. a few movies come to mind that support this idea (e.g. the day the earth stood, bicentennial man) but more importantly there are some scriptural differences as well. 2 nephi 2:25 talks about how we exist so that we may have joy. consequently, not only does our capacity to feel make us human, it is also the very reason for which we exist. lehi & nephi help shed some light on what it means to have joy. in their dream nephi partakes of the fruit of the tree of life where upon the angel asks him what it means. the response is that the fruit represents the love of God, 'yea and it is the most desirable above all else.'

so we exist to have joy, and the love of God is the most joyous thing to our souls. well that begs the question what is love? i've had a hard time conceptualizing this until recently.

let me first start by stating where emotions come from, at least according to a secular notion. a couple of different therapy approaches claim that all relational emotions stem from perceived threats to one's self-concept (e.g. self-identity) and attachment (our intimate relationships with others). our bodies' anatomical response to these perceived threats is the fight or flight response that we all heard about in pscyh 101. in other words, there is a perceived threat, our body reacts physiologically, and depending on our experience with our emotions we react to it in different ways. some people suppress it, some react to it with anger, some react with saddness, the list goes on... even how we label these emotions varies greatly. men typically suppress it and can't recognize it. women usually experience the emotion fully and then talk about it a lot.

a lot of therapist spend a lot of time helping people make sense of their emotions and then help create a safe place for each person to express them (usually feelings of being hurt and so forth).

so if that is where negative emotions come from how about the positive? well depending on how intelligent you are you may have figured it out. according to the aforementioned theories positve emotions stem from adding/contributing to one's self-concept and attachment. for example one of my favorite church quotes comes from President Hinckley's wife, she said that President Hinckley had always given her wings to fly and she loved him for it. i take this as President Hinckley did what he could to help his wife individualize, to find herself, build her self-concept, help her realize who she was and consequently she loved him for it. a few posts down in an entry entitled "progress" i talk about our first encounter with God and what that must have been like. this theory would state that the reason why we felt God's love for us for the first time would be because He helped us see who we are and what we can become.

i've also had a professor define love as the following: 'love is the power that binds us to what we are capable of becoming.' that would help us understand why "true love awakens a longing that cannot be denied" -Elder Groberg. when we feel true love from God or from others we get a sense of our goodness, of who we are and what we can become whether or not we see it ourselves.

we can't live a life devoid of emotions. they are the result of living in a world in which we are interdependent upon others. futhermore, they are likely one of the main reasons why we are here on this earth. d&c 93:33 states that there isn't a fullness of joy without an inseparable connection of body and spirit. it is soooooo imporant that we learn about our bodies and our emotions. so much of our happiness in this life and the next depends on our emotions. we must learn how to feel, recognize and label them.

simplicity

as a small child i can remember how other adults caused me to wonder (to think or speculate curiously) about the amazing things they were capable of doing with their minds. for example my father, an electrical engineer, would often come home from work and talk about an exciting new project. whether it was a cool gas analyzer that could simply intake the air from any ambient and precisely tell you what kind of chemicals were in the air or a car that could literally drive itself, i was constantly amazed at what we are capable of doing. i can also remember thinking how wise and all-knowing these people must be in order to accomplish such great things. well, now i am old-er and i ask myself what has come of that childhood wonder?

here's the answer to that question...

everything in this life can be broken down into bite sized bits and pieces to make those seemingly impossible tasks into something plausible and pragmatic. there isn't anything in this life that is too complex or too impossible if we simply start out with the basics and build upon them.

that brings me to the main topic for this post: faith. the other night i asked my friend to define faith for me. he, like many of us would, struggled giving me a clear and concise answer. in the past i have studied the scriptures and other church materials such as "lectures on faith", "articles of faith" etc. but i'm not sure i truly understood it either. i wondered, "how does faith differ from belief? can i have faith by sitting in the corner of my room wishing something will happen? how can so many different religions have faith in God, yet be so different? what exactly is the relationship between works and faith (joseph smith said the greatest works of faith are done by words)? could faith just be some abstract notion too hard to understand? the list of questions goes on and on and on.

well, i recently came across some things that shed some light on the basic building blocks of faith (in my opinion).

first off, faith was not a religious word at its conception. i'll say that again in different words, originally faith had nothing to do with religion. you might ask... "if it wasn't a religious word, then what was it used for?" well, i'm glad you asked. faith was a word used for contractual agreements. to say you had "faith in somebody" meant that you had a contractual agreement with that person.

this contractual agreement essentially had five components to it. they are: specific terms (to the agreement), object (what is being exchanged in the agreement), ratification, assurance and finally, the ultimate fulfillment of the contract.

i think that understanding this sets the foundation for understanding faith, what it is and why the early apostles talked about it in the way that they did.

this is going to be cut short because i'm not sure a blog is an appropriate place to talk about this. i will say though, thinking about faith this way has led to a lot changes in how i understand faith.

get busy livin' or get busy dyin'

The title of this blog comes from my favorite movie, Shawshank Redemption. I highly recommend you see it if you haven't had the opportunity to do so yet.

Perhaps one reason why I like this movie so much is because of Andy Dufresne's (the main character) demeanor and life attitude. Despite the series of unfortunate events that seemingly destroy his life on the outside, he continues to flourish within.

At one point in the movie Andy gets thrown into solitary confinement for playing opera music on the prison facilities' public announcement system. This stunt lands him in "the hole" for two weeks, more time than anyone had ever heard of someone serving. Upon coming out of "the hole" his friends ask him what the time was like, to which Andy responds "easiest time I’ve ever served, I had Mozart to keep me company." His friends immediately enquire if he had a record player and Andy responds "no, what's in here (pointing to his head) and in here (pointing to his heart) they can't ever take away."

Andy is continuously dealt a bad hand of cards throughout the first half of the movie. For example, his wife has an affair, she then wants to divorce, she is then murdered, he is tried and convicted of her murder, and to round things out he is repeatedly beaten and raped. Despite all of this, Andy maintains his quiet and subdued mannerisms and flourishes within.

The day before the big event (don't want to give it away if you haven't seen it) Andy tells his best friend "either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." I don't think Andy was talking about dying or living in the sense we typically think of. He meant something much deeper. We either get busy living by using our minds and developing our intellectual powers, and finding beauty that only a keen mind is capable of comprehending or don't and slowly diminish and wither away.

Our ambient doesn't have to hold us back and keep us from "livin", but I think it so often does in our lives. The movie is a great reminder of the responsibility we have to ourselves to rise to our potential by freeing ourselves of our circumstances, no matter what they are. Not important if they be incarceration and physical abuse (such as it was with Andy) or anything else that we might face ourselves. Our minds shouldn't be subject to our flesh or any other external factors, yet our minds should influence our flesh and overcome any unjust external factors that bind us. It is then at this point that we are freed and we find salvation that lies within ourselves. Then and only then do the inherent external injustices of the world that incarcerate each one of us no longer affect our lives.

Some of the following lines typify what I am speaking of:

“Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

Andy Dufresne: That's the beauty of music. They can't get that from you... Haven't you ever felt that way about music?
Red: I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn't make much sense in here.
Andy Dufresne: Here's where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don't forget.
Red: Forget?
Andy Dufresne: Forget that... there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside... that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours.
Red: What're you talking about?
Andy Dufresne: Hope.

does anyone read this blog?

i really have no clue.

Progress

One thing that used to bother me was the question of: why did God let people progress in the plan of salvation if He knew that certain people wouldn't progress all the way to the Celestial Kingdom. Wouldn't it be better for them to wait and progress to a point that would increase their likelihood of exaltation before being born spiritually? Well this question leads to one to ponder why we choose this plan in the first place.

I believe that we existed as self-existent beings before we were born SPIRITUALLY. There are several reasons for this; Proclamation says that "God ordained families", or in other words, God put us in that order; TPJS says that we were self-existent beings. What does that mean? We were "self-existent beings and to what extent are we self-existent now?

Well, if God put families in order (ordaining them) then what social unit existed before families? How about none? After all we were self-existent. We weren't dependent upon any other individual for anything. We had no emotional dependency or physical dependency either.

In this regard, now in this earthly state we are not self-existent to any extent. Here on earth we need people. We are hard-wired to connect to others. We need to be loved in order to be healthy. We just don't properly function unless we have some sort of connection with other people.

What does this mean about our pre-SPIRITUAL life though? Well, its possible that we were ignorant of all of the emotions that come through relationships with other individuals. This means we most likely had never experienced love, sadness and happiness. We were intelligences with a vast knowledge, yet we didn't understand emotions to the fullest extent.

So, here we are as intelligences (and who knows what kind of form we had) that are capable of living forever with the knowledge that we had obtained, and could obtain in our state.

First encounter with God:

Imagine yourself during your first encounter with God. Here is an individual that is completely different than us. He has a different form, He's even composed of a different substance than us and this form, a body, enables Him to experience things we've never imagined. First and foremost, God has a wife. We don't even know what a wife is. We understand that there is another individual, or intelligence, that is inseparably connected with God. In fact that connection with that other intelligence is what qualifies Him to have the title "God". Well this connection is quite odd to us, because God isn't self-existent, in fact He is interdependent upon His wife and vice versa . This concept is completely foreign to us. These two seemingly disparate intelligences have been forged as One, yet they remain as individuals. This union that joins Them enables Them to experience a fullness of joy (D&C 93:33). It allows Them to experience emotions on a level never ever conceived by us before. For truly our emotional capacity is increased when we are dependent upon others.

So here we are observing this for the first time. Here are these Two individuals as One. Now there's more. We not only view God and His Wife, but we begin a relationship with Them. We begin to feel Their love for us. This is something totally foreign, we begin to feel something within us that isn't logical. It's a power within us that we don't fully understand, but we know who is the source of it, God. Let me say this in layman terms, we felt love for the first time. How would that feel?


We not only view God and feel His love, but we also observe God's family. God has children. He loves them. His children are entitled to feel more of His love. These beings are also no longer self-existent, they to have given that up, but as a result they are co-dependent upon God. They can feel His love and are therefore more capable of greater joy.

If agency is an eternal principle than we must have chosen, ourselves, to enter into God's plan and after feeling God's love why wouldn't we? God explains to us that He will teach us how to become like Him and also He'll enable us to feel love like He does.

Here is the answer to the first question: why did God allow those whom He knew wouldn't progress to the Celestial Kingdom to enter into the plan of salvation?

Well, for those intelligences that went through the previous mentioned process. Wouldn't they be better off to be part of God's family than to be eternally lonely? Especially after feeling God's love for the first time, there's no way they'd want to leave that behind and continue on in their realm of existence, their knowledge of God coaxed them to move forward and to progress. So even those that don't obtain the Celestial Kingdom will still always be a part of God's family and be happy and loved.

What does this mean to us in this life? What implications does this have for marriage? How does this change how we act now?

This gives so much more meaning to eternal marriage and what it stands for. It should change everything about how we treat our spouses and our family members.

God is trying to enable us to become perfect so we can repeat the process of helping other intelligences to the same state that He is in. Only those who become like Him will be give the title of God and the powers to create life.

When we marry we are literally becoming one before the Lord. We become interdependent upon that individual for our exaltation. We will never be the same. For eons and eons we had been single individuals, existing on our own, but now everything is different. But its done with good reason, for what we'll be able to obtain is far beyond anything we could on our own.

How sad is it to see individuals who do not understand the role of marriage in their eternal progression. For eons they were single and sadly sometimes those who are married struggle too much giving up that self-existing component of their existence. They fail to learn how to rely and depend upon their spouse. They live out their lives continuing as they once were and hence lose out on the blessings of marriage.

Our marriages should mean a lot to us. Not only in the eternal picture but also in our current picture. The most joyous thing to our souls is love derived from our relationships with other individuals and God.

It's no wonder that we struggle so much with relationships here on earth. They are such a new concept to us in our existence, as are emotions that come with them.

The Lord said "if ye are not one, ye are not mine." why is that? Is it perhaps because being God in and of itself implies being one with another individual? In order to understand this we must keep in mind that God is a title. A title that is given to a male who has achieved Godship with his wife.

Ironically it is God's same love that will carry us to back to His presence as He is. Only as we feel His love here on earth do we begin to truly obey Him and become like Him. Love is the common thread we find throughout the entire plan of salvation. It is the common thread that motivates us to progress and move forward.

God is trying to enable us to love has He does. That process is painful. With the increased capacity of love also comes the increased capacity for sorrow and sadness. Emotions are a double edged sword.

The true opposite of love is apathy. Its losing touch and importance for God's love. When we become apathetic we lose touch with that infinite power to motivate us. It was most likely the very reason that we chose the plan of salvation to begin with. Oh how dangerous apathy is.

Virtue

Today I sat through a less than interesting class on sexual relations that was taught by a member of the bishopric. It was a little less than interesting because I think the teacher didn't feel comfortable talking about the topic. As I sat there I started thinking to myself, as I normally do when I am bored, about morality and why it is such an important topic.

I am not sure people give enough credit to God's role in a relationship between man and his wife. When a couple is married in the temple they make covenants not only with his or her spouse, but also with God. Quite fitting, especially when we understand that love is a gift from God. Yes, even romantic love is something bestowed upon us from above. There are certainly decisions that we have to make in order for us to obtain this love for another person. Personality traits, temperament, life goals, religiosity, physical appearance and so forth make it easier for us to love some more than others, but ultimately God takes our decision of who we want to love and makes it into something divine.

It's because of this doctrine that I believe a person's capacity to develop true love for someone else is undeniably linked to the amount of virtue they have with that person. A common phrase for having sexual intercourse is "making love", but I would tend to think that the physical acts of intimacy have nothing to do with creating love, but a manifestation of love. (I do believe however, that that sex does create a deeper love and bond for one's partner, but only when there is a foundation of love to begin with). Too often I think society gets confused about what love is, whether it is the Disney Fairy Tale Story (which irrational belief is found in ubiquitous fashion in Provo) or the lust/pleasure love principle.

Something else that is rarely mentioned in the topic of romantic relationships is love for one's self. I think we have to reach a certain level of emotional stability before we can experience true love. Let me flush out this idea. If an individual is not secure, or lacks a significant amount of self-confidence, the approval and acceptance they seek from another individual interferes with their ability to give to their partner what they need to develop true love. I am by no stretch of the imagination saying we have to be 100% confident in ourselves or be completely independent (because we aren't even hard wired to be that way), but we do have to reach a certain level of emotional stability before we are capable of experiencing true love. Another reason for this stems from the fact that a temple marriage binds two distinct, disparate individuals as one in the eyes of the Lord. Marriage is supposed to compliment and beautify us as individuals and as a couple. But how can marriage do this if the individual has not developed in their own right?

Sex is the symbolic rite we perform to show our union to another individual. The union of our desires, wants, dreams, hopes, commitment and so forth. To perform such an act with an individual with whom one has no such union is a mockery of God's ability to bind two individuals together for eternity. I love the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the individual parts.

It is late and I want to end this, but I just remembered something else. Social science research suggest that certain hormones are released during sexual intercourse (especially the first few encounters and for females) that have a lasting effect on the brain. These effects are often an emotional connection with the individual. These effects can not really be erased from the brain, it is simply part of the human development. Do you think there is anything to be said about being emotional mature and ready for sex, especially for those whom may not understand their own emotions and are incapable of handling their own emotions?

The idea that marriage binds two distinct individuals is pretty fascinating. Think about it. Our entire existence up until this point we have been an individual before the Lord, but after marriage, in some ways, we will never be viewed as such by the Lord. Marriage ultimately binds two souls as one... and that, I know has a lot to do with why we are on this earth and how we progress in an eternal perspective.

Fabrication of the Lie

This has been on my mind for a few months. Finally took a few minutes to flesh out a rough outline of it.

Oh how the pen is mightier than the sword. Two months ago I watched The Invention of Lying. It is a movie about a man who lives in a reality with no lies. Early on in the movie the main character realizes that he does not have to say what he thinks (which is truth according to the movie) and that he can even say something that is not true. Finding that telling these lies can be advantageous he tells more and more, until he is caught in a web of lies. One particular lie that the movie focuses on is that he pretends to know about the afterlife. His divine knowledge soon becomes wide spread and people flock to him for answers. In an attempt to skirt these questions he tells everyone that there is a man in the sky, and that he controls everything: illness, disease, birth, death… the whole gambit. His listeners are not very pleased with this and say some extremely offensive things about the man in the sky.

I thought this movie was extremely sad. Sad that someone’s perception of the origin of religion is wrought with lies. Although the movie does address the fact that religion does give people hope, it practically mocks religion and everything it stand for.

On to my point of interest. I wonder if it ever occurred to the person who created the aforementioned movie that perhaps the big lie is that there isn’t religion? Hasn’t religion been a part of society from the beginning? Religion is nothing more than communication with God that is passed on to other people.

To further develop my ideas I’m going to refer to Scripture. I realize the irony in referring to a religious text for the sake of arguing my religious perspective, but bare with me and keep in mind I am aware of this.

In Moses chapter five we read about Adam and Eve and their experience in the Garden of Eden and their subsequent adventures after their fall. Their account shows that God communicated with them and taught them the gospel, namely that they should rely on the Savior. They also were instructed to conduct ordinances, keep a record, and teach others of God and their relationship to Him. In essence they had created the first religion known to mankind.

Later on in Moses chapter five we also learn about Cain and his dealings with Satan, from which Cain would gain the title of “The Father of all Lies.”

The major dissension had occurred and the division that chose to follow Adam’s religion would die out at some point and apostasy would reign and the cycle of dispensations and apostasy began.

One of the biggest lies first told was that there was no religion, to doubt what Adam and Eve were telling their descendants.

Religion – the proof of its goodness lies within logic.

I am currently reading Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. In his book he talks about how we cannot break commandments, but only break ourselves against them. To illustrate this point he tells a story about a ship at sea. This particular ship notices a light off in the distance and that it’s course is heading for a collision. The captain of the ship orders his crew to send a message to the other ship to change its course 20 degrees. Moments later a response is sent back which says, “you change 20 degrees.” The ship captain has his crew respond “this is captain of the ship, change your course 20 degrees!” Moments later the response from the mysterious light is “this is a second class seamen, change course 20 degrees” Infuriated the captain sends one last message, “this is a large freight ship, change course 20 degrees. Finally, this mysterious light responds “I am a lighthouse, change course 20 degrees.”

What a great story. Covey goes on to explain that principles (which are often associated with religions) such as integrity, respect, hard work, kindness and so forth are the light house and cannot be altered. We represent the ship captains. Sometimes we think that we can ignore or alter certain life principles and avoid the consequences, but his point is we can not; we can only break ourselves.

Look at the lack of morals, values and principles in our society and how bad things are now. Can you imagine what the world would be like if we lived in the director’s reality of The Invention of the Lie? Do what you want, say what you think, live by no code of conduct.

One might argue, well hasn’t religious caused the majority of wars in the history of mankind? Perhaps, but religious people don’t necessarily adhere to principles.

I love that quote, “we can’t break the commandments, only break ourselves against them.”

If religion is fabricated, how is that the morals and principles that it teaches are the recipe for a successful, happy life?

I've wanted to blog about so many things lately, but I just haven't done it. Potential topics have included phantom limbs, temperament & life trajectories, adventures on the 5th floor of the Harold B. Lee Library, axiom: do what you think you should, and a plethora of other topics. For this post I'm just going to briefly talk about hooking people up.

I was just on my friend's wedding facebook page. Most likely you've seen one, the event page with the picture of the couple to be, along with a list of addresses from hundreds of people wanting an invitation. I've known this particular friend for about two years now. She's a way cool girl and I'm glad I've had the privilege of knowing her.

Last Fall semester I had a class with her so I got to see her on a weekly basis. During one of the first class sessions we had together we talked about how we both needed to put ourselves out there more so that we could date. We both mentioned that we'd like to help each other out by introducing each other to people in our wards and other acquaintances. About a week later I invited her to a party type thing that was being thrown by some people in my ward. Upon finding out about the party I mentioned it to her, but she didn't seem to excited about it. In fact she even said moaned "why would I want to go? I'm not going to meet anyone that I'll ever see again." For whatever reason she had forgotten about our new little pact and was just flat out having a bad night. However, she decided to go in the end. It was that night that she met her future husband.

I'm not really sure why I've taken the time to write this. I don't really have a moral or a punch line. I guess I wrote it because I like it.

The Glass Castle

I recently finished reading this book. If you haven't read it, I would recommend it. It's an amazing story about how a woman overcomes tremendous adversity in her upbringing and in the end embraces her hair-brained, zany family. Below are some comments I wrote to my sister, who also recently finished reading the book.


She learned to love and appreciate her dad for who he was, despite all the horrible things he did. Sitting here thinking about how she could come to terms with her father is somewhat mind boggling. There were so many negative things that happened to her, starvation, poverty, molestation, emotional abuse... yet she loved the people responsible for those conditions. Is she mentally unstable or extremely resilient and compassionate?

Its so interesting how people get stuck in their behaviors and how they can't change them. Its so sad.

Another thing, I think this goes to show you can't really escape who you are. As much as you may want to escape your past and all the negative things about it, can you really do it? Even after she led a stable life, family and successful career she was still drawn back to her family. But how could she not be? Doesn't your family mold the very person you become? I think there is a lot to be said about learning to embrace the past and draw upon the positive.

Perhaps her mother's axiom that there is good in all, is true. After all even Hitler loved dogs and that was his "redeeming quality."

How about the underlying message about the power of education? Her parents may have been absolutely crazy, but they taught her well. Reading books, astronomy, math, science and art are what enabled Jeannette to leave the lifestyle she was raised in. This also goes to show that education does not imply sanity and stability. So, that being said what does? What helps us live stable lives?

Interesting book. Way to go Jeanette for becoming a trans-generational figure in her family.