Today I sat through a less than interesting class on sexual relations that was taught by a member of the bishopric. It was a little less than interesting because I think the teacher didn't feel comfortable talking about the topic. As I sat there I started thinking to myself, as I normally do when I am bored, about morality and why it is such an important topic.
I am not sure people give enough credit to God's role in a relationship between man and his wife. When a couple is married in the temple they make covenants not only with his or her spouse, but also with God. Quite fitting, especially when we understand that love is a gift from God. Yes, even romantic love is something bestowed upon us from above. There are certainly decisions that we have to make in order for us to obtain this love for another person. Personality traits, temperament, life goals, religiosity, physical appearance and so forth make it easier for us to love some more than others, but ultimately God takes our decision of who we want to love and makes it into something divine.
It's because of this doctrine that I believe a person's capacity to develop true love for someone else is undeniably linked to the amount of virtue they have with that person. A common phrase for having sexual intercourse is "making love", but I would tend to think that the physical acts of intimacy have nothing to do with creating love, but a manifestation of love. (I do believe however, that that sex does create a deeper love and bond for one's partner, but only when there is a foundation of love to begin with). Too often I think society gets confused about what love is, whether it is the Disney Fairy Tale Story (which irrational belief is found in ubiquitous fashion in Provo) or the lust/pleasure love principle.
Something else that is rarely mentioned in the topic of romantic relationships is love for one's self. I think we have to reach a certain level of emotional stability before we can experience true love. Let me flush out this idea. If an individual is not secure, or lacks a significant amount of self-confidence, the approval and acceptance they seek from another individual interferes with their ability to give to their partner what they need to develop true love. I am by no stretch of the imagination saying we have to be 100% confident in ourselves or be completely independent (because we aren't even hard wired to be that way), but we do have to reach a certain level of emotional stability before we are capable of experiencing true love. Another reason for this stems from the fact that a temple marriage binds two distinct, disparate individuals as one in the eyes of the Lord. Marriage is supposed to compliment and beautify us as individuals and as a couple. But how can marriage do this if the individual has not developed in their own right?
Sex is the symbolic rite we perform to show our union to another individual. The union of our desires, wants, dreams, hopes, commitment and so forth. To perform such an act with an individual with whom one has no such union is a mockery of God's ability to bind two individuals together for eternity. I love the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the individual parts.
It is late and I want to end this, but I just remembered something else. Social science research suggest that certain hormones are released during sexual intercourse (especially the first few encounters and for females) that have a lasting effect on the brain. These effects are often an emotional connection with the individual. These effects can not really be erased from the brain, it is simply part of the human development. Do you think there is anything to be said about being emotional mature and ready for sex, especially for those whom may not understand their own emotions and are incapable of handling their own emotions?
The idea that marriage binds two distinct individuals is pretty fascinating. Think about it. Our entire existence up until this point we have been an individual before the Lord, but after marriage, in some ways, we will never be viewed as such by the Lord. Marriage ultimately binds two souls as one... and that, I know has a lot to do with why we are on this earth and how we progress in an eternal perspective.
2 comments:
Meant to tell you, read this the other day and loved it for so many reasons.
I think it is a difficult subject for many people to talk about because typically we just think about the awkward, uncomfortable parts of morality. But as you pointed out, when you take more of a gospel perspective it's like opening up a totally different book.
Enjoyed it, wish you'd write more and give my "Bentley" brain something to read :)
Ok another thing I thought of..."A wicked man can have but little love for his wife; while a righteous man, being filled with the love of God, is sure to manifest this heavenly attribute in every thought and feeling of his heart, and in every word and deed." (Orson Pratt) Interesting so I thought I'd share. You're welcome :)
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